Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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