How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
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