I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
