I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
