Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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