Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
