I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
