Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
