she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
