The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
My life is pants optional.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
