he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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