A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
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