I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
