Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
