I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
