I think I won the penis lottery.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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