Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
Randomize
