After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
