he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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