Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
