I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Randomize
