I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
