I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
Randomize
