Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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