I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
