It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
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