we have officially lost it.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I'm bleeding and have questions
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
