Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
