my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
