Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
