I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
