Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
