DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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