You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
