i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Randomize
