Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
