ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
When did angry sex become our thing?
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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