PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
