Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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