Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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