oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
