Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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