His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
