i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
