she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Randomize
