The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
