Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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