I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
