Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
