So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
