I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Randomize
