I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
we're so committed to being not committed
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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