So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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