I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
You are a genius and a whore.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
