WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
