so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
