You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
