Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
